I am not completely numb but have found my ability to use words to express what I am feeling lack. I am coming back from the depths. (I am writing this now... see?)
I find myself spending lots of time sitting out on my back patio and just watching the birds I have managed to attract to our little piece of suburban land. I feed the hummingbirds with yummy sugar water and treat the mockingbirds, finches and Gila woodpeckers with fresh halves of oranges. They have been good company.
I became consumed just last week by the plight of one of my mockingbird families because this little fella showed up:
A baby mockingbird who fell out of the nest too soon. I obsessed over his safety and later discovered it happens often and that both mom and dad keep a close eye on their offspring (I got to see mamma and pappa mockingbird dive bomb my neighbor's cats and at times feared for my own safety... bless them.)I found him later to be happily alive and living in my neighbor's bush, growing his tail feathers... surviving. A couple of days later I saw him on top of the tree.
I also discovered that someone who I believed to be an online friend was really a manipulative liar. While it hurt to discover these lies it was a great relief that contact had been broken some time ago and I was able to process the pain (BTW, this person is not among my blogger friends, thank higher powers.) All the wisdom they proclaimed to possess was just a front and a con job. I truly am grateful that I am able to move on and only feel empathy for the people who may still be blinded by this false light.
I also hope that this person will actually come to realize the love that could be inside them, once they shed the selfishness of self gratification that has ruled their life, as much as I hope I continue to grow in the lightness of being.
I felt I was being mindless and yet now I realize I was just processing the crap I allowed to enter my life. I am feeling better. Kindness does not always beget kindness but I will not let that deter my quest to be kind.
So this evening as I went to pull another orange from our Arizona Sweet orange tree (that term, Arizona Sweet, has kept visitors coming to my inactive blog, BTW) this little sweet creature passed by me.
"Oh... you look like an escapee," I thought. I coaxed her to my arms, scooped her up and brought her to our backyard. I called and left a message on the number on her dog tag and just when I was about to go borrow dog food from a neighbor, the phone rang."I have Daisy here with me," I said to the panicked voice on the other end.
Her mommy came immediately to our house to collect her. The hugs that followed has made my day and helped me heal... helped me pull out of this slump.
Kindness is back and will visit all my blogger friends shortly. So much love to you all tonight and every night as I bless my lucky stars for the really good people in my life.
