Warning. This may be a little TMI for most of you.
My Dear Husband... my poor dear husband.
The last thing he ate last night was a bowl of popcorn and today has been restricted to a clear liquid diet. Yes, tomorrow he has his first colonoscopy.
He came home from work at lunchtime. At 1pm he swallowed four 5 mg tablets of Dulcolax. At 3pm began drinking 64 ounces of Lemon Gatorade laced with 8.3 ounces of MiraLAX. I called him from work to see how he was doing.
"I am making Jello. We are having Jello for dinner tonight." Yum!
I got home around 4pm as he was half way through the gatorade.
"Any luck yet?"
"Nope. But I am beginning to feel full."
Around 5:15 he told me he felt tingly in his tummy and was only minutes away. Now he decides to weigh himself to get a before and after reading. I continue reading my Vanity Fair with the T.V. droning on in the background.
At 5:15:30 I simultaneously hear him plunk the scale down on the tile floor along with a bunch of yips and yelps. I think I also heard, "I am not going to make it!!!"
Oh no. I tear down the hallway and stop outside the bathroom.
"Are you ok?"
"I need a cleaning rag."
I throw one in through the cracked door (I am not going in there. NO WAY!)
"You have got to see this! Come here."
"No."
"Just look through the crack of the door. Look at the toilet."
And like a rubbernecking fool passing a car accident I had to look. He had blasted a little on the toilet seat and then sat on it.
"uhhhaaacckkkggg" I gag.
Now I need some eye bleach please. Fun times!
Jello anyone? 
7 comments:
The title of your charming little essay implies that we should try this at some place other than home. Where, I venture to enquire, do you suggest?
A hotel room perhaps (the bed tends to be closer to the loo) but I was hoping for your home and not mine. I actually took a pic of the trashed toilet, posted it and thought better.
Are you hosting guests?
I wasn't going to, until I came upon your suggestion for a party game.
Now that's something!
If that happened to me I'm not so sure I'd go along with having it broadcast on the internet. And thanks for sparing us the other photo - you see for us english folk, we kind of pretend this kind of thing doesn't happen.
Oh please Vicus... let us americans entertain you with our unique party games.
LOL Tom!Makes you appreciate your English heritage.
UPDATE
In recovery be began to feel nauseous so I grabbed the puke pan and in the two huge dry heaves he had he passed out in my arms and his breathing turned to a rattle. I nearly had a heart attack. The nurse came in, flattened the gurney and had him roll on his side until it passed. Then she gave him a big squeeze around the abdomen and told him to push the air (fart) out. Apparently the Demerol and the air blown in his colon during the procedure cause nausea. The farts he had after that were legendary and epic.
He slept all day and is now back to his usual self. Very sweet.
LOL... I am so tired now!
Love
Just remember
"It's the splatter that matter!"
LOL... I mean EWWWWW *gags*
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